KB
Why do I foolishly presume that I make you happy simply because you make me happy?
How unbelievably selfish of me to assume I bring such unbridled joy into your life.
I don’t wanna die before I’ve been in love. I don’t want to miss out on feeling that most divine experience of the soul.
Tell me I make you happier than you ever knew was possible.
That your life is incomparably dimmer minus my presence.
Tell me I make you feel safe, that I make you laugh.
That I inspire you, support you, & push you.
Tell me you’re my person & I’m yours.
That you miss me, that you need me.
Tell me that you love me.
So greedily do I demand your love before I’ve developed any love for myself. Before I’ve appreciated the endless bounty of blessings shared with me every moment.
It’s all too easy to mindlessly disassociate, to distract myself endlessly on the internet.
I don’t want to feel empty anymore.
I want to feel something, anything at all.
I want to forgive myself for squandering lost love.
I want to be happy & know I’m on the right path.
I want to realize what an excellent, beautiful soul I am.
I want to share my life with someone & share in theirs.
I want to go to bed as your other half & wake up knowing that hasn’t changed.
I want to stargaze & dream about who we were in lives untold & long forgotten.
I want to write poetry without being a pretender in love.
I want my prose to ring true.
I want to travel the world & fall a dozen times for you.
You won’t open up to me anymore.
Did I push you away?
Is there somebody else?
Does he make you laugh more than me?
Do you see my face when you’re with him?
Does he appreciate your endless witticisms as I do?
Do you hurt his feelings with the things you don't say?
Does he flounder in the distance you create when he gets too close to your heart?
You’ve been hurt before. You discovered the best way to prevent pain is to preempt it.
I do the same thing, so how can I blame you? Am I not tickled pink by the delicious irony?
Do I truly want you to be happy? Shouldn’t you be punished for your heinous insensitivity which ravaged my being?
Where do you get off? Only I can hurt people with the walls erected by my emotional unavailability.
Don't you know it’s strictly against the rules to give me a taste of my own medicine?
It’s my simulation, love, & I’m here for a good time.
It’s a damn shame they’re so hard to come by.
You may never have loved me. Nor I, you.
But I loved the laughs we shared, the memories we made.
Thank you for the growth you engendered in my soul.
I cherish our time together. I know you’ll do great things.
You’re too brilliant, charismatic, & driven not to succeed.
I may never hear of your successes. But in my heart, I know you’re out there thriving & bringing joy to the lives of people lucky enough to pass through your lovely orbit.
Don’t forget me. Carry with you the tiniest part of me.
Promise me you won't share our tunes with anyone else.
Let our songs echo out in the recesses of nostalgia on rainy days. Hell, on every type of day.
I’m fortunate to have known you.
Our lives crossed paths for a reason.
I may never be wise enough to know why.
Yet, I am so grateful for it. You’re so fricking neat, dude.
I wish we had more time together.
That’s always the rub ain’t it?
One day, you’ll exclaim “Babe, you look so cool” once more & the moment will last...
Forever & a day.
